Toasted Drunk on Beer: Happy Holidays to All!

Toasted Drunk on Beer: Happy Holidays to All!

‘Tis the season to be jolly, which generally includes mistletoe, a lot of ugly sweaters, and a truckload of beer. Yes, my friends, the holidays have arrived, and it’s that special, magical time when your in-laws start re-enacting Christmas carols, your family gathers ‘round to argue about the merits of cranberry sauce, and you – yes, you – find solace in the bottom of a frosty pint glass.

Now, let’s take a moment to break down the delightful experience of being toasted drunk on beer during the holidays. To some, it might sound alarming, but to me, it sounds like a chance to bond, bumble, and maybe, just maybe, become the life of the holiday party—who doesn’t want to show everyone their impressive (or utterly appalling) dance moves fueled by a few too many lagers?

#### The Holiday Prep: Buying Beer Like You’re a Connoisseur

When it comes to preparing for the holidays, the first thing on my list is not the tree, and certainly not those questionable fruitcakes. No, if I want to survive the festive fiasco I call family gatherings, it’s all about the beer selection. This is when I turn into a beer snob, perusing the aisles of my local supermarket like I’m about to embark on a grand journey through a barley wonderland.

“Oh, this craft IPA has a hint of grapefruit and a subtle note of regret? Perfect! It’ll pair wonderfully with Grandma’s burnt casserole,” I muse. And let’s not ignore the charming, hand-painted labels – it’s like each one is saying, “Please, drink me, and let’s forget your cousin’s weird obsession with knitting!”

#### The Family Gathering: Beer – Your New Best Friend

The day finally arrives. It’s time for the family gathering, and I’m ready. Armed with my selection of beers and a festive holiday pun or two, I saunter into the living room. My relatives are already positioned in their usual spots: Uncle Joe is on the couch, recounting the “good old days” (which were only good for him), and Aunt Martha is attempting to convince everyone that her gluten-free, vegan, organic holiday punch is a “must try.”

I sidle up to the drinks table, cracking open my first beer, and let the joyous haziness begin. Before I know it, I’m toasted. Between the laughter and the sound of my relatives engaging in debates about who made the best stuffing (“Sorry, Aunt Linda, but you can’t just throw things in a pot and call it gourmet!”), I’m feeling that warm, fuzzy sense of holiday cheer coursing through my veins.

And let’s be honest: beer makes everything better. Suddenly, the grandmother who usually gives the worst hugs seems much more bearable after my fifth pumpkin ale. “Oh, Grandma, you’re adorable! Let’s do the chicken dance together!” I belligerently suggest, turning a winter wonderland into a slapstick celebration of chaos.

#### The Dance-Off: Who Needs Reality?

Next up is the highly anticipated, impeccably coordinated **holiday dance-off** that absolutely no one asked for. I, in my slightly inebriated state, find myself leading the charge, showcasing my best moves that I can only describe as “confused salmon” mixed with “overcooked spaghetti.”

My poor uncoordinated relatives might be silently wishing they’d just stayed home with their favorite Netflix show, but too late now! Moments later, I’ve inadvertently started a trend. My cousin, who usually appears more reserved than a squirrel at a nut convention, suddenly discovers his inner breakdancer. Now we have two idiots flailing about, and a small audience of amused onlookers who’ve not yet learned about the dangers of beer + dance-offs.

#### The Post-Dance in Denial Snack Fest

Following the wildly successful (ha!) dance-off, it’s time to refuel. Nothing says “holiday cheers” quite like a boozy stroll to the snack table. I approach with the seriousness of a food critic, eyes wide and gluttony on full display.

Since my blood alcohol level now resembles the volume of a small lake, I’m feeling adventurous. I pile everything on my plate: cold meatballs, questionable cheese balls, and those mini quiches that Cousin Barry swears are “real food.” In fact, Barry has slapped the “gourmet” label right on the now-defunct party platter.

Toasting to my culinary ingenuity, I proudly yell, “Behold, the feast of champions!” There’s never been a better moment to appreciate the absolute wonder of how far a few beers can elevate one’s sense of humor. Laughter fills the room as everyone watches me head-bob with sticky fingers while gobbling down hors d’oeuvres like I’m suddenly their savior from holiday boredom.

#### The Aftermath: Reflections, Regrets and Giggles

By the end of the evening, once the holiday beer goggles begin to wear off, I have a few thoughts to share. Did I go too far? Absolutely! Did I embarrass myself and a few relatives in the process? Of course! But wouldn’t you agree that the holidays are about making questionable memories and eating slightly expired snacks while participating in bizarre family traditions?

I might wake up the next day regretting every decision I made after beer number three, but in the spirit of the holidays, all I need is a mimosa (or five) and a side of guilt-free laughter to wash it all down. After all, what’s the holiday spirit without some toasted drunk antics, festive cheer, and a fair few beers that lead us onto dance floors we never thought we’d conquer?

So as the snowflakes fall and the lights twinkle, here’s to a happy holiday: May your beer be cold, your family drama be minimal, and your dance moves be legendary! Cheers! 🍻🎄